Rubber band theory of dating

15 Mar

They eventually become saturated with man time and come in for more intimacy. Women respond to this cycle in one of three ways: 1) They get it and relax during the stretch part of the relationship because they know things will be okay on average 2) They freak out and chase after him, which only makes him pull away even further to get the man time he wants. He is the first to say that he wants to stay in and just hang out with me…”I’m in a you mode,” he’ll say. I like the teddy bear in him, but the only reason that teddy bear part exists is because he balances it out with man’s man time.

Sometimes the chasing/pulling away gets so extreme that it sours the whole relationship 3) They get angry and promise to not make the first move. He doesn’t care what people think and is never shy about public affection when we’re at school (I’m getting my MBA, remember? He lets me in on his crazy stream of conscious thoughts. Also, one of the draw backs of dating in business school is that you see your partner all the time. I’m sounding like one of those cheesy romantic self-help books but it’s true, I’ve had this epiphany and I wanted to share it.

This concept may seem like a humongous pile of crap, but believe it or not, it is backed up by science.

When men experience closeness with the women they are dating or have a relationship with, it increases the hormone known as Oxytocin.

Stress, grief, coping just after a break-up, trauma and a variety of things can, for periods of time, impact on our ability to emotionally engage on a healthy level with someone.

Where this rubber band theory is problematic is where there are relationships with poor or non existent foundations and also by creating the expectation that all men behave in this way, many women have misguidedly failed to recognise the major red flags in their men when they are in the early stages of dating them.

Called the “rubber band” or the male intimacy cycle, it’s when a man vacillates between being close to his partner and then pulling away.They give women reasons to take another shot at love only to leave them later hanging out in the cold, apocalyptic wasteland called “singlehood.” There are men who withdraw, out of nowhere, just when the relationship is starting to require exclusivity and commitment.There are a lot of reasons why men pull away from relationships and most women will never completely pinpoint one major reason because, most of the time, men withdraw from a relationship due to a concoction of factors.This works as it gives the dude his space, but, the woman doesn’t enjoy it and can become bitter/jaded. When he’s like this it becomes abundantly clear that I am his favorite person. Lets see how it goes…I have lots of homework to do anyway and lots of plans set up this week.I’ll make this lady week and reevaluate in 7 days to see how tense/lax the rubber band has become.